Where is she? Dream Women of Craigslist

Posted by Censor Librorum on Jul 11, 2008 | Categories: Humor, Lesbians & Gays

I’m in marketing, and after hours of crafting line  after line of text for web, blogs, catalog pages and email newsletters,  I need a mental break.

Sometimes, I minimize the screen and click on to Craigslist -W4W. It is always a source of discovery and entertainment.

Up until this week, the best W4W ad I ever saw on Craigslist ended with these two words: “No nuts.” Did I laugh! How  many of us have  met a woman we thought was an interesting possibility, only to find she was  dragging  so much emotional baggage ten U-Hauls couldn’t have managed it.

A few days ago I read an ad by one of the thousands of searchers who shop Craigslist every day looking for a  woman who will turn them on. The women who shop Craigslist want sex.   A few want it with a little class and appreciate the intellectual and emotional components of mating; others can’t be bothered with even minimal flirtation or manage an interest in getting to know the person first before jumping on them. craigslist-erotic-sex.jpg

Here’s a  Craigslist poster whose  analysis of her fellow shoppers was so witty and withering, it earned a place of honor on this site:

“I’ve been searching these ads for a while, and  I find the ads fall into one of several categories. On Craigslist W4W, you can find several types of wonderful women, including:

a)THE POET: this craigslister may or may not be looking for a relationship. That is not really the point. The point is that she is a poet and she likes writing long lines of verse that make sense to her and maybe her psychiatrist. You are her captive audience. Enjoy!

b)THE FIRST-TIMER: she’s never been with a woman, but has thought about it for years (talk about extended foreplay!) or maybe just has gotten so disgusted with men she’s considering the alternative. She craves “a woman’s touch” as long as that woman is touching her ta-tas. She’s like a character from a pulp novel written in the 50s, really. You’ll either be the one to bring her out or the one to be drop-kicked to the curb the second she finds a man. Probably the latter.

c)THE MARRIED OR IN A RELATIONSHIP: She’ll have an innocent looking subject line that says “Looking for Love” so you click on–only to find her idea of love is you going down on her while hubby watches. Romance has sure changed a lot in 2008.

d)THE OVERSHARER: Long ads that go on and on about her sad life, her unemployment, her one-eyed dog, the fact that she’s on welfare, and not about what she has to bring to the table or what she’s looking for. The Oversharer might also write out a long political or philosophical manifesto, like the kind the homeless recite to you when you are on  the train.

e)THE FUSSY: You must be a faggy-boi top with three earrings in each ear who likes The Smiths. And live in Williamsburg, on Bedford, specifically.

f)THE GRAPHIC: Not much in the way of writing. But come on. She’s got such a beautiful va-jay, how can you resist?

g)THE SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL: This ad asks: Wanna come to my apartment and hang out?  I don’t know you from Adam but I’m sure you’ll be normal. Uh, let’s not forget this is New York City.

h)THE LOOKING FOR A TOUR GUIDE: I will be coming to New York soon. Show me where all the lesbian clubs are. I won’t pay you or make it worth your while in any way. The reward will be hanging out with me, a reward within itself.

i)THE NORMAL, or HALFWAY NORMAL: An ad that tells you a little about the poster, what she is looking for, some humor thrown in for good measure. This is the kind of ad I post and respond to.

And now, for my ad: I’m 31, Jewish, femme, brunette, average figure, enjoys movies, concerts, film. Looking for woman 26-40 who gets what I’m talking about. Normally, I write a longer ad than this, but I think I’ve written enough already.

Hate mail is also encouraged, if you disagree with my ad. Entertain me. It’s a slow weekend.”

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3 Responses to “Where is she? Dream Women of Craigslist”

  1. Thom Says:

    Oh man… that was awesome.

    I see similar things, only with guy stuff. 🙂

  2. Karen Says:

    Thom, glad you enjoyed it! I want to include some fun things inbetween all the serious topics. Be well, Karen

  3. Christine Says:

    Karen, That was great. I love it. That has w4w on Craigslist down to a tee. I have read a few, too, a few years back and now I know about whom I was reading.

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