Man from Mars

Posted by Censor Librorum on Jan 15, 2009 | Categories: Humor

New Calvinist Mark Driscoll, 38,  is the head preacher at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.   He believes Christianity has gone soft on sin, women should submit to their husbands, and the Gospels have been watered down to a glorified self-help program.   In regards to church music, “I’ll be happy,” he said, “when we have more than just prom songs to Jesus sung by some effeminate guy on an acoustic guitar offered as mainstream worship music.” mark-driscoll.jpg

Driscoll says he admires Martin Luther, the vulgar, beer-swilling theological rebel who sparked the Reformation. “I found him to be something of a mentor. I didn’t have all the baggage he did. But you can see him with a quill in one hand and a drink in the other. He married a brewer and renegade nun. His story is kind of indie rock.”

Driscoll was raised Roman Catholic. In high school he met a pretty blond pastor’s daughter named Grace  who gave him his first Bible. He was “born again” at 19. “God talked to me,” Driscoll said. “He told me to marry Grace, preach the Bible, plant churches and train men.”

The mainstream church, Driscoll has written, has transformed Jesus   into “a Richard Simmons, hippie, queer Christ,” a “neutered and limp-wristed popular Sky Fairy of pop culture that..would never talk about sin or send anyone to hell.”

Driscoll takes issue with any group who would rename the Trinity (like “Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifier”) “The One God has kindly told us who He is—Father, Son, and Spirit. But some chicks and some chickified dudes with limp wrists and minors in “womyn’s studies” are not happy because two persons of the Trinity have a dude-ish ring.”

“There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up. I fear some are becoming more cultural than Christian, and without a big Jesus who has authority and hates sin as revealed in the Bible, we will have less and less Christians, and more and more confused, spiritually self-righteous blogger critics of Christianity.”

Mark Driscoll certainly is up for a butch, rough trade Jesus. If he ever wants to come back to Catholicsm, he can always hook up with the  Dignity leather group, The Defenders.

The web is loaded with praise, criticism and withering commentary on Driscoll, his church, and his brand of New Calvinism.   Two of the funniest are Ultimate Fighting Jesus by Dan Savage, and David Goldstein’s Huffington Post blog, Who’s to blame for Pastor Haggard’s fall from grace? His fat, lazy wife.


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5 Responses to “Man from Mars”

  1. Benny the Bridgebuilder Says:

    Can’t worship a guy he can beat up?

    Power mad idiot. Perhaps he should build an altar to nukes and depleted uranium shells.

    Today’s version of the Golden Calf!


  2. Thom Says:

    Dear God.

    And who’s he talking about… limp-wristed, with product in his hair…. The only guys I know who wear their hair like that and the beady chokey necklace thing are big homos. Perhaps he just wants to see the men’s group wrestle. You know, ancient-Greek olympics style. Maybe those are men he can worship.

  3. Worship Leader Says:

    OMG! What’s the matter? Before I can say my comment to his words, I would be interested to hear his talks on videos. Hope someone could share.

  4. R. Sales Says:

    “I would be interested to hear his talks on videos. Hope someone could share.”


  5. Robin Says:

    Mark Driscoll is trying to get people fired up about Jesus again. He is reaching out to the men of the christian church to get them to step up in who God created them to be. He is trying to remind people of how Jesus is not subject to culture or time. How we can always relate to him and learn from his lessons through the Holy Spirit and word of the Bible.

    He may not be perfect, but I do believe he is saying what many Christian’s are afraid to. He is taking on the topics and struggles that many churches will not touch.

    Is he perfect? No. He is not Jesus.
    Is he allowing himself to submit to Gods will for his life? Does he glorify the Lord? Does he show love to those around him? Does he lead others by example of his own life? To these things, I would argue yes. He is in transition. He is human, growing like the rest of us. Allowing the Lord to transform and use him. Frankly, I think if anything, we can learn that lesson from him.

    Perhaps instead of blogging away at our displeasures with leaders, we should focus more greatly on the good that they are contributing to the lives of others.

    Do not misunderstand me. Questioning is good. Accountability is good. False Teachers are bad. Agreed. However, perhaps a greater knowledge of his teaching would be profitable before we judge him solely on the pieces of his word that we pull out. Rather, on the entirety of his message. Similarly, we should do the same with scriptures. We need to take in the entire context or a message, not just selected or convenient parts.

    Please prayerfully consider.

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