Prayer Notes

Posted by Censor Librorum on Nov 24, 2006 | Categories: Lesbian in a Catholic Sort of Way

I am in an exploration mode of finding a form of prayer useful, welcome and appropriate to the state of my life now, as I battle, cope with, and continue to integrate Lyme disease and its effects into my daily life.

Christian meditation as taught by Dom John Main is one possibility. But I find the need to sit still, and keep my mind still, for 20, 30 minutes onerous. Even without the illness, I get easily distracted and easily bored. I understand the challenge is probably part and parcel of the spiritual discipline of meditation. I have hesitated to begin–which probably means I need to!

I seriously considered making a year’s commitment to Lay Spirits, a spiritual community in New York. With some regret, I concluded I am over committed for now, between CCL and other volunteer activities. The time commitment of the group might have quickly deteriorated into one more burden on my schedule. I decided to pass for now, but consider joining next year at this time when a new group is formed.

My latest germ of an idea is to take up the violin. I played violin in junior high, and moved to piano when I was in high school. At college, when I felt restless and moody and needed to be alone, but wanted express feelings deep inside, I would go to the music room and play.

I would like a piano, but there’s no room for one in the house. Besides, with a violin, I can bring it back and forth from the apartment to Greenport. The idea of returning to the violin has taken root in my imagination. This week, I will investigate teachers and where to rent musical instruments near where I live in Long Island.

I will also try meditation, focusing on my mantra (Maranatha) and making an effort to exclude mental wandering. I do know why I avoid it. The inner work it will bring offers more hurdles than affirmations. Inner work is never comfortable–it is painful, hard, and challenging. Coward and lover of comfort that I am, I try to resist the push for as long as possible.

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2 Responses to “Prayer Notes”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    All hail the coward in us!

    I commend your desire to start up with the violin again… be aware you may have to start over, though it is alot like learning to ride a bike (shaky at first but after the first few squeaks it starts to sound like music) Good luck…

    Sometimes meditation comes when God sits us down (forcebly) and says to be still. It is good that some can still find peace without being forced into it E-

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Dear E,

    Thank you for your encouragement! When I make it to Carnegie Hall you’re tops on my invitation list!

    The only way I listen to God is when my wheels get knocked off and I’m flat on my back. I’m still dragging my feet, but I’m trying to get started on my own, without the nudge from “on high.”

    Have a good week. – K

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