Nihil Obstat

Prayer Notes

I am in an exploration mode of finding a form of prayer useful, welcome and appropriate to the state of my life now, as I battle, cope with, and continue to integrate Lyme disease and its effects into my daily life.

Christian meditation as taught by Dom John Main is one possibility. But I find the need to sit still, and keep my mind still, for 20, 30 minutes onerous. Even without the illness, I get easily distracted and easily bored. I understand the challenge is probably part and parcel of the spiritual discipline of meditation. I have hesitated to begin–which probably means I need to!

I seriously considered making a year’s commitment to Lay Spirits, a spiritual community in New York. With some regret, I concluded I am over committed for now, between CCL and other volunteer activities. The time commitment of the group might have quickly deteriorated into one more burden on my schedule. I decided to pass for now, but consider joining next year at this time when a new group is formed.

My latest germ of an idea is to take up the violin. I played violin in junior high, and moved to piano when I was in high school. At college, when I felt restless and moody and needed to be alone, but wanted express feelings deep inside, I would go to the music room and play.

I would like a piano, but there’s no room for one in the house. Besides, with a violin, I can bring it back and forth from the apartment to Greenport. The idea of returning to the violin has taken root in my imagination. This week, I will investigate teachers and where to rent musical instruments near where I live in Long Island.

I will also try meditation, focusing on my mantra (Maranatha) and making an effort to exclude mental wandering. I do know why I avoid it. The inner work it will bring offers more hurdles than affirmations. Inner work is never comfortable–it is painful, hard, and challenging. Coward and lover of comfort that I am, I try to resist the push for as long as possible.